What is all this for?

Have you ever been at a certian turning point or crossroads in your life where you felt that you were being tested?  I know everything is supposed to happen for a reason, I truly believe that in my soal, but there are some things that really seem unfair. Maybe later on in life we will all come to terms with or find answers for questions regarding why things turned out to be a certian way.

I try my damdest to find a silver lining in every cloud, I pick out and even at times invent a lesson, or an answer, or a possible good reason behind, even the bad. I have faith, basic, simple, human faith, that there is a God, and there is good in this world, and that after years of bad luck, (due in part by my own self fufillig prophecy), that I am being rewarded for hanging in there. I do right by my family, making the best of what I have had, and always trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have found faith through the years. I am not a particularly religious person, persay, but I have found things that make sence over time and tend to gravitiate to my own spiritual beliefs. I have found that I am a very non-religious spiritual person. I believe in faith, karma, eternity, life, good, happiness, numerology, astrology, old world belief’s, and a whole lot more that would take a very long time to explain. I find a particular thing or idea that makes sence, do some extensive research, and if I cant discount it as untrue and it feels right, then I believe.

Over the years, through this process, I have developed a method of dealing with problems when they have come my way that has become very useful for me to say the least. I guess you could call it a coping or reasoning mechanism, here is a small explination.

For the past two months or so, our family has  been trying to buy our first home. The very first day, I said outloud, “if it is meant to be, it will happen.” Here is another philosophy that helps to aid in my belief system, “every person you meet comes into your life to stay for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”

I have a client I have been working with for a few months who is a real estate agent. I feel really comfortable with him, he is the kind of person who seems to go the extra mile. I asked him a few real estate questions, he put me in touch with a lender, and after a month or so of cleaning up our credit and looking at houses I felt like, wow, this is why Kris (my real estate client) came into my life. We had a few bumps along the way, but we put an offer in on our first house.

I again, said to myself, “if this is meant to be it will happen.” Just like I thought, all the pieces began falling into place one by one. We got our escrow money together and then some and have been saving, which we have NEVER been able to do. We have a few credit snags with the State of Washington, a fallonious lien, and child support and we got them taken care of instantly, (which is unheard of). Every time there was another hurdle, we seemed to move right through it.

Its been very stressful; however, I have held the upmost positive attitude, have been unwaveringly optimistic throughout the whole process, when it got to the very end, the very last step fell through. We didn’t get our financing, which means we didn’t get our house. We fell in love, maybe moved too quickly, I don’t know. I do know that we gave notice on our current rental and have to be out and, for now, seemingly have no place to go.

Holding true to my faith and optimistic “everything happens for a reason” outlook, what is the reason behind this? Its a little hard to fathom or come up with a reasoning behind this. Its all a little hard to swallow. I am greiving for something I never had and wondering why…